someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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