I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
