Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
