I smell stomach acid.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
