ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
