left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
