My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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