I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
