It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
pray to the hookup gods
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
