I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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