My boss' voice literally gives me gas
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
