I'm pants shitting drunk right now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
please come you make the beer taste better
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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