I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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