bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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