i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
