Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
