Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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