Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wear drunk well.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
