come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize