You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
