I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
