Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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