Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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