u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize