Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
