I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
