my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
