Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
