its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
