is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
