Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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