I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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