just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
