Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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