you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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