Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize