I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My bed smells like the plague
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
