you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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