Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
