are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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