We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
