I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
