i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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