so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
