she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
