god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
