My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
