so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
