I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
