We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize