I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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