The maid of honor just puked.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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