i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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