I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
