nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
