our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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