dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
