my mouth tastes like poor choices
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
