i already hear my dad disowning me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
