I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
