How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
