just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
