i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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