I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
