I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
